I need a slap chop!

I need a slap chop. Its the most annoying commercial. I see it all the time on the news. Almost makes me as crazy as the damn snuggie.

Ok, so I am trying to eat healthier, cook more, and stay away from processed foods. So, I bought a slicer since I hate to chop veggies with the fire and passion of 1000 suns. Really. And, I want nicely sliced of veggies.
Well, I start to use it, and realize the stupid handle on it that you use to hold the vegetable is awkward, and I stop using it. Who wants to guess what happens next? Yep, I slice the top of my finger off.

Of course I do that on the first veggies I am slicing. I am making lasagna. The noodles are in the pot, meat is on the stove, I am in a time crunch, and now I am bleeding like I lost a limb, not just the tip of my finger. :( OUCH. And it stings!

So, Larry's the best - nursemaid - no, I mean NURSE STUD, not nursemaid, as Larry informed me, to help me bandage my finger, and cook, to help me cook the rest of dinner. And clean up.

So, I need a stupid slap chop. Something to chop my veggies and protect the rest of my fingers. Larry says he'll buy one for me. I can't get over my embarrassment to order one for myself. Ah hahahah.

Stupid slap chop. Stupid slicer. This reinforces the idea that I should only eat fast food. No cooking, I'll have no fingers left.